I though of a word to describe life-, unfortunately I couldn’t pick one. Is it because life is truly a process of wonders or it is too general to define? I just stopped thinking for a while to have that spare time to relax.
When I just remembered what my friends told me, I’m too quiet to corporate my ideas yet I’m too frank pertaining my emotions. It’s an obvious contrary between mind and heart, thoughts and feelings, perspectives and sensitivity. For me to realize who I am.
I do flatter when those who know me by name say I’m shy and kind. When actually that’s the first impression I’m hearing the time they open up. While my constant companions would describe me as sweet, behave and nice.
Childish, cheerful and dependent, that’s what my friends say about me and sometimes I want to believe. I’m touched when my close friends say that I almost have everything when actually I feel so incomplete.
But what I’m amazed of is when some do say that I am a brat, war freak, flirt and confident right straightly to me yet smile on me and hug me sincerely. I guess I don’t need to have that good image just to be accepted. Surprisingly, some just shows their admirations on me as I never give up on anything, too frank on what I’m feeling and know how to handle others’ ideas, emotions and behaviors.
I’m too overwhelmed to be just true as me with much liberty and innocence. And so I learned top answer the question: “What makes you to be like that?” and I answer: “I am what I am because I believe that I am so and others appreciated me more than what I know.”
Something that I don’t need to explain and from that moment of tranquility I have known what is life, life is something that is good nor bad, easy nor hard, successful nor failure. Life is simply worth- believing. Beyond its imperfections, life is a belief that people must accept and appreciate.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
HOW WILL LIFE BE BEAUTIFUL EVEN IT’S WORST PART?
Sometimes we really have to loss in a game; we have to fail… so we can be ready to fight for our best win.
Failures, tragedy, and loss- these will be always part of our lives. No one can’t escape from I, sometimes, but things will become worse. Come on, accept it, accept, then accept, just accept it! I know what are thinking about. Oh gee! You’re right! How will life be beautiful even in I’s “worstest” part? Oh, it’s too much it is really disaster! By the way let me correct it. How will life be beautiful even in its worst part? Got it!
STEP 1. FIRST, THE VERY FIRST. “What’s wrong? What happened?” you should know what the situation is, what made it happen? ANALYZE THINGS FIRS. For example oh, you have broken hearted! Analyze! What is the reason of your break up? Is it a love triangle? Jealousy? Whatever! Or you failed your finals exam? My gosh! What made you fail?! Don’t you study your lessons? You forgot the formulas for the math problems or you just really don’t care. How dare you?
STEP 2. AFTER ANALYZING THE PROBLEM AND THE SITUATION. ACCEPT IT. Take a deep breath and say “I have to accept it.” Hey! Rephrase it! Remember: accept things whole- heartedly; without any hard feelings. Pray to our Lord Almighty, pray to Bro! So have you accepted it? Then the step 3 is…
Step 3. LET THE PAIN BE HEALED. Let your feelings be lighten, don’t think first of anything. Cry, cry, and cry because it will lessen your pain. Relax; enjoy yourself by doing your interest, painting, singing, dancing, writing, and hang with your friends. Read inspirational books, read my article. Oh, I forget, you’re doing it already. Before I nearly forgot, I want you to avoid things that will remind you of the pain.
Step 4. SPEAK AND LISTEN. This is the time when you can say your experiences, about your feelings to your friends or the one who done it to you. Talk about what happen, maybe you just really misinterpret things so you have to listen, about his/her side and try to make up things.
Step 5. LEARN FROM IT, ask yourself: what you have learned from what happened? Have you realize what you need to? Like when you have broken heart, have you thought that you’re lucky? Because you have known to yourself that you experienced love, you once lived. Unlike to others that haven’t experience it yet. Now you have already learned, that love is not pure happiness it includes pain that will make you the better one. Think about your benefits of what you have gone through and use it to…
Step 6. MOVE ON, is it really hard to move on? Is it? Come on, you did the previous steps, surly you can, set up your mind: be positive. That’s it, use his as an inspiration. It will serve as your teacher like no other. This is the time that you can realize that life is really beautiful. Time gives us trials that will make you better when you can’t and when people around you can’t do.
Sometimes we really have to loss in a game, we have to fail. So we can realize things, to learn more, to be the better one that we can be. So we can be ready to fight for our best win. Hey, I want to tell you a secret, it’s all joke. :D
Friday, April 8, 2011
Isha: I.L.Y
Isha: I.L.Y: " I like you. Do you know that? I’m wondering if you can feel or notice it. I’m too mute to tell yo..."
I.L.Y
I like you. Do you know that? I’m wondering if you can feel or notice it. I’m too mute to tell you but I really like you. So weird of what I’m feeling. I can't explain the excitement every time we see each other. But I don't know if you feel the same. You’re voice is like an ice cream, so sweet yet so cold. To tell you, it's my favorite.
I like the way you act, you speak and handle your mind. I like every little thing you have. You are close to perfection but you're too humble as you enlighten someone's soul and that is mine.
I don't have any idea how to tell you. Maybe it's better for these words to be left unspoken, must be hid for a moment of time or for the rest of it. I’m too hurt to have this feeling if there's one thing I can do now that is to whisper in the wind and hope that you’ll hear it. Wishing that one day, it will be blown away for me to wake up from a dream that you will like me too the way I like you.
Isha: What I heard and Saw is Not What I Feel then What ...
Isha: What I heard and Saw is Not What I Feel then What ...: "This story is about a dream particularly a phantasmagoria which is a series of events and places that occur in a state of unconsciousness of..."
What I heard and Saw is Not What I Feel then What I Think I heard and Saw is Not What I Know From What I Feel
This story is about a dream particularly a phantasmagoria which is a series of events and places that occur in a state of unconsciousness of someone which is also known as vision. It reflects abstract concepts, idea, emotions, persons and events that require puzzle solving and vision interpretations.
I was once in that moment- in that strange place. I saw tall and huge trees; the twigs prevent the sunlight to shine through. There were only rays of light that reflect to a weird bench beside an old, big and leafless tree. I began looking around, and when I walk I clearly hear the hair- rising sound of withered leaves. And there are another withered leaves falling, first at few and suddenly poured down in a great amount. I just close my eyes and covered my face and my head with my arms. I want to cry that time when hopefully I already cannot feel the leaves pouring on me. I open my eyes in a moment, for a second I think. I want to assure there’s nothing to harm me and may threaten my life. I am so afraid but I don’t want to stay any longer. I sighed and open my eyes gently yet avoid my sight from that blinding light that I don’t know where does coming from. Then I looked back.
I’m sure that my eyes are open but I do wonder. Everything had a change. Now, I found myself walking in a hallway. There are close doors in my two sides. I assumed that it is all rooms. I doubt but I have no other choice but to open one of the doors and see what’s in it. I’m already holding the knob when I feel the tension and tremble so I just sighed to relieve the stress. The door is finally opened. I saw green curtains, a bed and an apparatus. It’s a room- not in a house but in a hospital. I chilled. I gently closed the door and walk in a speed. I want to get out in this place a right away. I brood myself using the walls and hold my breath. But what’s going on? There’s no end, there’s no way out neither on left or right side. I hold one of the knobs of those countless rooms. I realized it was the room that I just opened because I could actually feel the warmth of my temperature. I faced the door and look at the both sides. I want to open the room again but this time it was locked. My heart suddenly beats that fast. Unconsciously, I started knocking- I don’t know why. Then I suddenly heard the sound of the knobs. All the doors are hardly attempted to open but all were locked.
From the fear I have, I knock harder. Then from my right side I see darkness covers the hallway. I stunned from a moment but it is near to me. I knock even harder. A door away, I am on my pulse desperately knock hoping that someone would open it for me to be saved but I have no idea if who. I am about to be in darkness when the door finally unlocks. I get in and closed the door. I gasp- leaning my back on the door. A deep breath just before I look around. I thought I’m still in the hospital but there are book shelves filled with different kinds of books. I took few steps when something fell in front of me. It’s a sign board saying: “silence please”. Now I know where I am- in a library the wind blows strong from the wide open window with plain white curtains. I walked towards the window but then I stopped as I noticed a table with that moving rocking chair, so freaky. It was wooden and it is mahogany. On that table is a book, it was hardbound. Its cover is blue and in a gold ink it was titled: “The Secrets of Bi-.” I’m not yet finished reading it when the strong wind blows toward my face. It blows even stronger. I’m on my balance yet I can really feel the anger of the gale. I just closed my eyes.
“Please stop!” I just shouted and I feel that the wind grants my wish. I can feel now the peace. Yes, everything is all at peace. I open my eyes, the view lighten my feelings. It is sunset, the waves are gentle and now the sweet cold breeze relaxes me as it touches my skin. I feel now on my feet that I’m standing on the soft sand seems it massage my tired feet. I looked at my back, I think its mountain and on the lower part is a cave, a mysterious view of nature. I turned my sight at west, it was a valley, no, and it was a plateau. There’s something strange that I feel- is it because of the silhouette I could recognize? As I observe, I think it is a man, he wears black. All black. When I try to walk towards that valley I feel something on my feet. A creepy feeling, and when I glance on it. I think I had seen a dead body and there I decided to look at it again, I’m just not mistaken. It is a corpse with that rotten face and long dry hair. When I look in that valley again he was gone. I run backward and there I just realized that I am at the sea side and the sea is filled with those floating dead bodies, children and adults; males and females. They were all dead.
I looked at the valley again and I see him at the second time. Now I know he’s looking at me too. I can’t see his face but I know that he’s that kind of that guy that girls do dream of. I am about to ask him when I heard him speaks. “I know you can give life to them but still it’s not the right time.” He clearly said. It’s a puzzle so I just nodded with that weary eyes. I dare to look at the horizon and this time the sun was gone. I think its dawn, the sky is bluish grey- I’m not sure. But I just realized that it is better to see the sunset that the sunrise because sunset indicates that you have given the chance to live one more day than the sunrise when you are not sure if you will see another sunset again.
I look at him at the third time and I said: “I’m ready!” now I could see his face clearly with that sweet smile. The sand was driven by the wind; it hurts my eyes, badly. As I wipe my tears and open my eyes I am now in the midst of the desert. Except from the dim sky and the golden sand, I can see nothing. I try to find him but he’s not there. It is clear that I’m at nowhere. I wonder why I am there. Trusting my perception, I quickly look back as I feel I can see something to answer my questions of what, when, where, why, who and how. I am right. But that time tears fall from my eyes I can see Him, crucified yet unconscious; and when I feel someone’s presence I look back a right away and I could see him: the guy I’m searching for I just look at him sincerely. His tame eyes talks to me. He is about to speak with his red thin lips when I notice my hand in a poor contrast and my whole body does. I feel weary as I look at his handsome face. He blinks with those long and thick eyelashes.
“See you again, when war of heaven happens.” With that sweet voice, I rose up from bed; hearing the irritating sounds from the window. I open it and there I witness my neighborhoods quarrel because of land possessions as I could sense and their verbal war. Only now I could realize I have my nap for almost 30 minutes yet I can still feel the tension and that strange feeling. It was fresh and clear in my memory and I think I would even forget. It is four of the afternoon.
“Hey!” a call from downstairs. I think they need my need help. I am a psychologist but still I always hide the fact that yes, I can manage things and deal with different kind of people but when I am alone I admit that I still need someone specially in this very strange moments, it was my seventh, that I can say nightmare.
I have to go and try to fix this conflict they had. But first I have to prepare myself, I went to the bathroom. I open the faucet, there’s a strange sound of that running water. It is likely the sound of waves in the seaside a while ago. I chilled again. I look at the mirror; I can still see the fright in my eyes. Oh, every time I had that kind of dream and when I woke up I could feel that I have given a second chance to live my life. And every time I experience it, I would wish that someone would have explained it for me, a fairy godmother maybe. I wash my face. The water is lukewarm but I can’t remove that even it is relaxing it still can’t relieve my stress.
I hear the call for the second time but I couldn’t recognize the voice. I ignore it anyway, all I know I have to hurry to try to manage what’s going on outside. Half a minute I’m almost ready to go outside. And so I proceed to the main door and hold the knob, and gently open it. A surprise, no one is in there nor the conflict. A deep breath, I just stare at the playground when the strong wind moves the swing.
“Do you feel strange? Horrible?” an old voice I could hear. I look at her, yes, she’s old but she’s definitely strong.
“Yes, I really can’t understand things. My dreams and all what happens.” I politely answer.
“Well, you forgot one thing to do. And that is to believe, people tend to doubt things when they see things different from what they want and what they expect without knowing that everything is in process. They are impatient. You, I know you have desires and I can feel you are impatient too of something you chose to forget when it is meant to remember.” Another figurative words from unknown someone.
I haven’t remembered something that I chose to forget. “I’m sorry mistress but-…“ I’m not yet finish speaking when she speaks.
“I know you dream of a forest, a hospital, a library, seashore, a desert and a guy.”
I raise my eyebrow.
“A forest stands for abundance or in other words is your wealth. Hospital is obviously stands for life and death while library is knowledge. Seashore reflects your emotions a desert is your desires and guy is for love and destiny.”
I feel the words of the maiden. But still I have no idea if what she is talking about. I never expect this scene even in my imagination. “I’m sorry madam but I can’t really understand what you are talking about. I don’t even know you. “
“Well you must be before it’s too late.” With that strange statement I fell from bed. It hurts my back and my right elbow. I just smiled I thought I’m already awake earlier but then it is a dream too. But now I’m eager to solve the puzzles and reveal the interpretations.
I try look at my old stuffs in my closet and there I saw a scrap book. It was covered by dusts and it is titled: The Secret s of Billie. It is mine and I had made it almost 10 years ago, now I am 24. Here are my secrets, desires, dreams, goals and promises. I’m excited to browse it again. I open it. It is my pictures that welcomed me. I am really bubbly as they say but now I am snobbish as I notice. My hair is long and straight that time, different from now. My taste for fashion improves but I found the beauty when I’m in simple dress up before. It lightens my feeling as I realized all of that. And for a moment, I have connected what my dreams tell me.
Forest is my wealth, and like leaves time would come that it would be useless. The hospital, I must not be that conscious in my life as saying goes: “let life be”. No one is in the control of the flow of life only Him. Yes. The library reflects my knowledge; I must not be that boastful and act above another because people are in their best in different ways. Seashore is my emotions, the dead bodies I think stand for lonely people and the puzzle: “I know you can give life to them but still it’s not the right time.” Would teach me to make other people happy and make them that their lives are worth living. Desert is my desires, because the mirage effects are only an illusion of various factors and most of the time desires make us blind of the reality. And the guy that I’m wishing to meet and be with for the rest of my life will be coming from God, in His place, in His time and in His will; so touching. And last thing is the something that I chose to forget but I ought to remember is no other than myself.
And so I learned of so many things in life, you need to believe in everything because it will happen no matter what and perceptions sometimes lead us at nowhere. Thanks for the knock; I promise I will open my door, my mind and my heart.
I was once in that moment- in that strange place. I saw tall and huge trees; the twigs prevent the sunlight to shine through. There were only rays of light that reflect to a weird bench beside an old, big and leafless tree. I began looking around, and when I walk I clearly hear the hair- rising sound of withered leaves. And there are another withered leaves falling, first at few and suddenly poured down in a great amount. I just close my eyes and covered my face and my head with my arms. I want to cry that time when hopefully I already cannot feel the leaves pouring on me. I open my eyes in a moment, for a second I think. I want to assure there’s nothing to harm me and may threaten my life. I am so afraid but I don’t want to stay any longer. I sighed and open my eyes gently yet avoid my sight from that blinding light that I don’t know where does coming from. Then I looked back.
I’m sure that my eyes are open but I do wonder. Everything had a change. Now, I found myself walking in a hallway. There are close doors in my two sides. I assumed that it is all rooms. I doubt but I have no other choice but to open one of the doors and see what’s in it. I’m already holding the knob when I feel the tension and tremble so I just sighed to relieve the stress. The door is finally opened. I saw green curtains, a bed and an apparatus. It’s a room- not in a house but in a hospital. I chilled. I gently closed the door and walk in a speed. I want to get out in this place a right away. I brood myself using the walls and hold my breath. But what’s going on? There’s no end, there’s no way out neither on left or right side. I hold one of the knobs of those countless rooms. I realized it was the room that I just opened because I could actually feel the warmth of my temperature. I faced the door and look at the both sides. I want to open the room again but this time it was locked. My heart suddenly beats that fast. Unconsciously, I started knocking- I don’t know why. Then I suddenly heard the sound of the knobs. All the doors are hardly attempted to open but all were locked.
From the fear I have, I knock harder. Then from my right side I see darkness covers the hallway. I stunned from a moment but it is near to me. I knock even harder. A door away, I am on my pulse desperately knock hoping that someone would open it for me to be saved but I have no idea if who. I am about to be in darkness when the door finally unlocks. I get in and closed the door. I gasp- leaning my back on the door. A deep breath just before I look around. I thought I’m still in the hospital but there are book shelves filled with different kinds of books. I took few steps when something fell in front of me. It’s a sign board saying: “silence please”. Now I know where I am- in a library the wind blows strong from the wide open window with plain white curtains. I walked towards the window but then I stopped as I noticed a table with that moving rocking chair, so freaky. It was wooden and it is mahogany. On that table is a book, it was hardbound. Its cover is blue and in a gold ink it was titled: “The Secrets of Bi-.” I’m not yet finished reading it when the strong wind blows toward my face. It blows even stronger. I’m on my balance yet I can really feel the anger of the gale. I just closed my eyes.
“Please stop!” I just shouted and I feel that the wind grants my wish. I can feel now the peace. Yes, everything is all at peace. I open my eyes, the view lighten my feelings. It is sunset, the waves are gentle and now the sweet cold breeze relaxes me as it touches my skin. I feel now on my feet that I’m standing on the soft sand seems it massage my tired feet. I looked at my back, I think its mountain and on the lower part is a cave, a mysterious view of nature. I turned my sight at west, it was a valley, no, and it was a plateau. There’s something strange that I feel- is it because of the silhouette I could recognize? As I observe, I think it is a man, he wears black. All black. When I try to walk towards that valley I feel something on my feet. A creepy feeling, and when I glance on it. I think I had seen a dead body and there I decided to look at it again, I’m just not mistaken. It is a corpse with that rotten face and long dry hair. When I look in that valley again he was gone. I run backward and there I just realized that I am at the sea side and the sea is filled with those floating dead bodies, children and adults; males and females. They were all dead.
I looked at the valley again and I see him at the second time. Now I know he’s looking at me too. I can’t see his face but I know that he’s that kind of that guy that girls do dream of. I am about to ask him when I heard him speaks. “I know you can give life to them but still it’s not the right time.” He clearly said. It’s a puzzle so I just nodded with that weary eyes. I dare to look at the horizon and this time the sun was gone. I think its dawn, the sky is bluish grey- I’m not sure. But I just realized that it is better to see the sunset that the sunrise because sunset indicates that you have given the chance to live one more day than the sunrise when you are not sure if you will see another sunset again.
I look at him at the third time and I said: “I’m ready!” now I could see his face clearly with that sweet smile. The sand was driven by the wind; it hurts my eyes, badly. As I wipe my tears and open my eyes I am now in the midst of the desert. Except from the dim sky and the golden sand, I can see nothing. I try to find him but he’s not there. It is clear that I’m at nowhere. I wonder why I am there. Trusting my perception, I quickly look back as I feel I can see something to answer my questions of what, when, where, why, who and how. I am right. But that time tears fall from my eyes I can see Him, crucified yet unconscious; and when I feel someone’s presence I look back a right away and I could see him: the guy I’m searching for I just look at him sincerely. His tame eyes talks to me. He is about to speak with his red thin lips when I notice my hand in a poor contrast and my whole body does. I feel weary as I look at his handsome face. He blinks with those long and thick eyelashes.
“See you again, when war of heaven happens.” With that sweet voice, I rose up from bed; hearing the irritating sounds from the window. I open it and there I witness my neighborhoods quarrel because of land possessions as I could sense and their verbal war. Only now I could realize I have my nap for almost 30 minutes yet I can still feel the tension and that strange feeling. It was fresh and clear in my memory and I think I would even forget. It is four of the afternoon.
“Hey!” a call from downstairs. I think they need my need help. I am a psychologist but still I always hide the fact that yes, I can manage things and deal with different kind of people but when I am alone I admit that I still need someone specially in this very strange moments, it was my seventh, that I can say nightmare.
I have to go and try to fix this conflict they had. But first I have to prepare myself, I went to the bathroom. I open the faucet, there’s a strange sound of that running water. It is likely the sound of waves in the seaside a while ago. I chilled again. I look at the mirror; I can still see the fright in my eyes. Oh, every time I had that kind of dream and when I woke up I could feel that I have given a second chance to live my life. And every time I experience it, I would wish that someone would have explained it for me, a fairy godmother maybe. I wash my face. The water is lukewarm but I can’t remove that even it is relaxing it still can’t relieve my stress.
I hear the call for the second time but I couldn’t recognize the voice. I ignore it anyway, all I know I have to hurry to try to manage what’s going on outside. Half a minute I’m almost ready to go outside. And so I proceed to the main door and hold the knob, and gently open it. A surprise, no one is in there nor the conflict. A deep breath, I just stare at the playground when the strong wind moves the swing.
“Do you feel strange? Horrible?” an old voice I could hear. I look at her, yes, she’s old but she’s definitely strong.
“Yes, I really can’t understand things. My dreams and all what happens.” I politely answer.
“Well, you forgot one thing to do. And that is to believe, people tend to doubt things when they see things different from what they want and what they expect without knowing that everything is in process. They are impatient. You, I know you have desires and I can feel you are impatient too of something you chose to forget when it is meant to remember.” Another figurative words from unknown someone.
I haven’t remembered something that I chose to forget. “I’m sorry mistress but-…“ I’m not yet finish speaking when she speaks.
“I know you dream of a forest, a hospital, a library, seashore, a desert and a guy.”
I raise my eyebrow.
“A forest stands for abundance or in other words is your wealth. Hospital is obviously stands for life and death while library is knowledge. Seashore reflects your emotions a desert is your desires and guy is for love and destiny.”
I feel the words of the maiden. But still I have no idea if what she is talking about. I never expect this scene even in my imagination. “I’m sorry madam but I can’t really understand what you are talking about. I don’t even know you. “
“Well you must be before it’s too late.” With that strange statement I fell from bed. It hurts my back and my right elbow. I just smiled I thought I’m already awake earlier but then it is a dream too. But now I’m eager to solve the puzzles and reveal the interpretations.
I try look at my old stuffs in my closet and there I saw a scrap book. It was covered by dusts and it is titled: The Secret s of Billie. It is mine and I had made it almost 10 years ago, now I am 24. Here are my secrets, desires, dreams, goals and promises. I’m excited to browse it again. I open it. It is my pictures that welcomed me. I am really bubbly as they say but now I am snobbish as I notice. My hair is long and straight that time, different from now. My taste for fashion improves but I found the beauty when I’m in simple dress up before. It lightens my feeling as I realized all of that. And for a moment, I have connected what my dreams tell me.
Forest is my wealth, and like leaves time would come that it would be useless. The hospital, I must not be that conscious in my life as saying goes: “let life be”. No one is in the control of the flow of life only Him. Yes. The library reflects my knowledge; I must not be that boastful and act above another because people are in their best in different ways. Seashore is my emotions, the dead bodies I think stand for lonely people and the puzzle: “I know you can give life to them but still it’s not the right time.” Would teach me to make other people happy and make them that their lives are worth living. Desert is my desires, because the mirage effects are only an illusion of various factors and most of the time desires make us blind of the reality. And the guy that I’m wishing to meet and be with for the rest of my life will be coming from God, in His place, in His time and in His will; so touching. And last thing is the something that I chose to forget but I ought to remember is no other than myself.
And so I learned of so many things in life, you need to believe in everything because it will happen no matter what and perceptions sometimes lead us at nowhere. Thanks for the knock; I promise I will open my door, my mind and my heart.
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